I don't know if it's called love or not. To me it's more like a craving. Like when you're addicted to something, and you don't have it. Except that for most addictive substances, you experience it a few times, and then you start wanting more and more. But in case of love, I feel I'm craving it, while I've never had it. To love and be loved, is just an idea, a picture, a promise, in your mind. Maybe even this craving exists, not despite the lack of experience, but due to the lack of experience. Like that creamy cake, with a cherry on top, in the bakery's display. You start thinking how good it will taste, you can almost imagine the sourness of cherry mixed with a soft sweet cream. The craving exists not becausw you've had the cake, but because you've never had one. Cause if you did, you would know it's just some old piece of cake overloaded with sugar and oil, and the cherry has no sourness to it. You start telling your mind about the bad outcomes eating it might have. It can even make you sick. But there still remains a feeling, a voice that no amonut of noise can neutralize it. Something that just says "I want it." You know most cakes in this city don't taste good. But you keep searching, to find your ideal bakery. You think there must be a good one out there, and you just need to come across it. Part of your heart likes to believe in soulcakes. Cakes that are just made to fit your soul, waiting for you, to devour them. And it's only a matter of time, to get ready, to meet your ideal cake. Some people say you shouldn't avoid tasting cakes in other bakeries, even if you have that bad gut feeling, the moment you step in. Cause each cake has a lesson. You think you like sourcherries. But do you really? Maybe after tasting a chocolate cake, you know that actually chocolate is a lot more aligned with your taste buds. Or maybe you can get better at navigating cake shops. I mean, imagine one day you meet that soulcake, you know it is it, but, do you even know how to order a cake, if you've never done it? Some people say you should only sit there, and wait for your cake to come to you. It doesn't mean you should keep going to mexican restaurants, and wait for cakes, no. You should go to a coffee shop, order a double espresso, and sip on your bitter life. Knowing that coffee shops and cake shops are actually working in close proximity. So you're neither actively searching and putting effort and getting disappointed, nor carelessly moving around the city, believing in pure fate. It's more of a strategic, still passive, move. Cause you know cakes are sold in coffee shops too, but are you there for cakes? Nope. You're there for coffee. Something you can never be disappointed about. I mean, most times. Or at least, it won't cause diabetes. And then it's very much possible that one day, a server brings you a cake, without you having asked for it. "Sir, this cake is for you" "Me? Sorry but I hadn't ordered one." "We know sir. But our manager wanted to treat you to a very nice cake. She thought you'll like it." "Oh! That's very nice of her. But, how does she know me? Have we ever met?" The server then smiles and winks and finds her way out to another table. And then you know that cake is your soulcake. It has come to you. Your cake has found you. And you keep coming to that coffee shop every day. "I loved this cake. Do you make them here?" "No sir. We buy them from a bakery in 5th street." "That's so strange. I have been there many times, have never tasted such a good thing." "That's right sir. This is a special cake that is exclusively made for our coffee shop." "Well, that was lovely anyway. Please send my gratitude to your manager." "Of course. But you can thank her by yourself too. If you'd like to." "Oh no. I mean I would love to. But I don't want to take her time." "You're already taking her time" man laughs. "So? You?" "I knew you'll like it." "I'm just confused and surprised. I didn't like it. I loved it. I've been searching my whole life for such a cake." "Well, I know a thing or two about mixing tastes." "That was really amazing. May I invite you over a coffee sometime?" [Both laugh] "I know it's a wierd thing to ask a coffee shop owner. But, may I?" "Well, yeah, why not?" "This is my number. I can't wait to hear back from you." "I won't make you wait. Looking forward to our meeting." "Perfect then. Have a good day. And thanks!" "Take care. Bye!"
And this is how it goes. This is how you hope it to go. So you go to coffee shops every day. Sipping on your bitter espresso. Craving for a sourcherry cake. Reimagining and remodifying the dialogs for the thousandth time. Your life is bitter. But you hope for it to get sweet one day. You start adding a spoonful of sugar to your cup. Thinking your life doesn't need to be miserable. No one knows how it's going to be. Sometimes you think, maybe some people are made to live with coffees. Maybe not everyone has a cake out there. You start asking for lattes, with cream top, and vanilla syrup. You start accepting coffee shops for what they are. Not for their connection to cake shops. You avoid looking at tables who are enjoying their cake. "Maybe they're just pretending to enjoy it". The life goes on anyway. With a latte in hand, and a craving for cake in heart.
